but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
