We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
