i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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