once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
