And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
