You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
