I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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