He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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