He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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