I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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