can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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