I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
