Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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