id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
