is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
