I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
