I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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