it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
