It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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