smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
