I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
