I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
