I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
