...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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