I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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