It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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