had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
