Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
