Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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