I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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