Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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