Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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