i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
