this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
