I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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