Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
