PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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