fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
