I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
