High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
