I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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