Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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