How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I miss vodka workout Fridays
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
