My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So much rum. So many feels.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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