i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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