i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
