Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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