i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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