you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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