either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
