The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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