There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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