plz talk dirty to me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
