hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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