I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
