and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I could fuck to npr.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
