I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
