Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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