After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
