So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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