I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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