wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
