I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
