never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
