just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
