Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
